Planning ahead= Major Letdowns

So I gave up five year plans a while back but have continued to make short-term goals and plans.  Somehow, I have convinced myself that I have control over some things in my life when I clearly do not.
Very specifically, getting pregnant in the time line I wanted.  If I had had my way, I would have been pregnant last spring so that Wes and his sibling would be +/- 2 years apart. 
However, I wanted to get Lasik done as well.  My vision problems combined with night feedings and exhaustion was not something I wanted to repeat if possible.  Last February I contacted a local vision center and was told I had to be finished with breastfeeding for at least a month before I would be seen and that I couldn't try to get pregnant within 3 months of getting surgery done.
I had actually just stopped breastfeeding Wes that week but couldn't get back in for an appointment until May.  After waiting so long, I was rushed into surgery within days of my consultation appointment.  I love having my eyes done and have not had any problems with it other than putting off my pregnancy plans.
Come September I was given the all clear from my eye doctor but then my body decided to start acting all wonky.  When I could start trying to get pregnant I basically had to reset my body and had to stay on birth control for a few months. 
Come January I pulled the goalie, as one of my uncles says, and promptly had issues again.  My stupid body acting stupid again caused me to get my hopes up but to no end.
We have only been trying, really trying, for two months and I am disappointed.  I have been disappointed for about a year now, I so wanted a baby by now.  I loved being pregnant with Wes and wanted to have a new baby by now, or at least be pregnant.
Being uset is useless, I know that.  It will happen when it happens and I know I that it could always be worse.  With my endometriosis I expected to have such a hard time getting pregnant last time and it only took us three months of trying.  Patience is not my strong suit, although having a headstrong 2 year old is surely testing it on a daily basis, so I may actually improving it.
Who knows what the future holds?  I certainly do not and as I try to back off the long(ish)-term planning I hope I actually can.  Losing sleep over nothing helps no one and only gives me tummy aches.

Wesley's Second Birthday Party!

 It is so hard for me to believe that it was nearly two years ago that Wes was born.  My sweet little guy, who isn't really a baby anymore, is so smart and sweet.  

 He looks at problems and figures out how to fix them; for example, he stuffed a little finger puppet into a Twinkie toy and he couldn't get it out.  I watched him walk into the kitchen and get a fork out of the drawer, go back to his toy and fish out the finger puppet with the fork.  

 My sweet little guy showed me the sign for 'baby' all on his own a few months back, but the other day he walked out of his room carrying one of his stuffed toys and called it his baby.  I asked how do you hold a baby and he cradled it and told me 'baby' again.

 He gives the sweetest kissies and is so good at hugging Casey when he gets home at night.  I can't believe it has only been two years...