10 years...

“Miss Misery" video

I'm pretty sure I was 16 when a friend and I went to see “Good Will Hunting".  We weren't old enough to see the R-rated film and were going with boys (ooh!) but I really wanted to see this movie.  While it was a good film, and one I can still watch over and over, the soundtrack really got to me. 
I remember going to the library and renting the soundtrack on CD, if that sentence even makes sense anymore.  I listened to it over and over, falling slowly in love with this voice that was so sweet but these words that were so not.  As someone who was raised on the radio Elliott Smith was my first venture, my exploration into non-pop music.
As I got older I started searching out more of his music and have most albums and some live songs, mostly covers.  I feel an intimacy with him that seems inappropriate because I don't actually know him.  Listening to his music always feels like he is singing directly to me, only for me.  He gets me and I him.
I've never suffered from depression but when I do get down I can listen to him and know he gets me.  But I don't need to be down to get him.  I love breaking out into song when “Sweet Adaline" comes on and it makes me happy!  I think even in Elliott's darker stuff there was still a sense of hope to it.
Ten years ago Casey and I were still living in Las Vegas.  I remember having the tv on, tuned to MTV for whatever reason.  All of a sudden Kurt Loder comes on in a breaking news segment to announce that Elliott Smith was dead, from two stab wounds to the chest.  Even after all these years there is no clear indication if his death was a suicide or homicide. 
I remember standing in the hallway of our little apartment, staring at the tv.  Shock and sadness kept me rooted in that spot, listening as what little information was available at the time was rehashed.
I couldn't believe it when Casey asked if I knew what happened 10 years ago today.  He subscribes to Rolling Stone's Twitter feed and always has some random music trivia to make me feel old but today I don't feel old. 
Listening to Elliott Smith's music makes me feel like a 16 year old again: opening myself up to something different and exciting.  Of that rush when a song resonates with you.  When you hit repeat on your discman and get every nuance, every breath intake, every squeak of his fingers sliding across the strings. 
I've yet to find another singer-songwriter who affects me this way and I honestly hope I don't.