I went out to Target this afternoon with Wes and I did it. I totally lost my shit and yelled at him and I feel so bad. This is the first time I've really had a hard time controlling my patience with him, especially in public, and I feel horrible that today was my turn to lose it in public.
We took Casey lunch and Wes didn't want to leave him so I bribed him. I try not to break out popcorn while shopping that often but I felt today it was warranted. After being in the store and placing him in the cart, getting popcorn and soda and getting him his movie we actually started shopping.
While shopping, he did really well. He dropped my tablet once and scolded him but have it back to him to keep the tantrum at bay. We walked the store, got what we needed and when he started getting antsy I headed to the front to checkout. As soon as we got up front Wes tried to climb out of the cart. I put him to work bib putting our items on the belt so they could be rung up.
Finished with that Wes climbed out of the seat and sat on the handle and would not sit back on the seat. I had thrown my purse in the cart and I couldn't hold onto him and reach my wallet at the same time and add I wrestled with him my soda tipped over in the cart and started leading all over the floor!
I didn't notice it at first but when I did I got really upset, at both Wes and myself. I picked it up, told the clerk and got Wes seated so I could grab my wallet. I paid and apologized (and then apologized again) and headed out of the store. Wes didn't want to walk now so I pushed the cart out. I got to my car and noticed that the lady on my passenger side, where Wes' seat is, had parked as close as she could and still be in her stall.
Great. I usually open Wes' door as much as possible so I can maneuver him in his seat and not hit him anywhere on the car or squish my ever-growing belly. I go to pick him up and he freaks out, he doesn't want to get in the car. I've lost my patience at this point and pick him up and haul him over to the car. He isn't having it and is squirming and fidgeting and won't let me buckle him in. He wants his shooter and his kikis (silkies) and is kicking out at me.
I lost it. I got down at his level and told him that he doesn't get to kick at me and he started trying to hit me. Then I, still at his level, started talking loudly (or yelling, whatever) telling him he needs to stop fighting me and let me buckle him in. He looked at me and I buckled him in and went to put the cart in the coral, noticing all the people walking to and from the store.
I didn't care, I took a moment to take a deep breath and headed back to the car to face the tantrum I was sure that was waiting for me. As I sat down I turned to look at Wes, who wasn't having a tantrum at all. He had a single tear running down his cheek and he just looked at me. I felt, and still feel, horrible.
I had to still stop at the UPS store and a minute after leaving the store he was passed out in his seat. I knew he was tired and I was trying to hurry home but after seeing him sacked out I decided to take my time. Not only to extend his nap but I wanted the time to calm myself.
I still feel bad. I've never yelled at him like that and I'm mad that I couldn't control myself better. He's two and he was tired. I should've been able to understand that and I didn't.
Today was a big parenting fail.
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